In high school, I wanted to be an actor, always on the stage, always seeking other's attention. The summer of my junior year however, I attended a youth retreat in Estes Park, Colorado with my youth group and it was there that all of my dreams changed. I truly encountered Jesus, and it was at that moment that it didn't matter what I wanted anymore because I needed to become a fisher of people.
I grew up in Shawomet Baptist Church, the very church my grandmother worked in as the secretary and that in which my parents were first married. I tried to never miss Sunday school because I could never get enough of the Bible stories and games we would play. When I was eleven, I decided that I was ready to ask Jesus to be my personal Savior and to be baptized. I remember the pride on my mother’s face when I came out of the water, signifying my rebirth in the Lord. Being baptized helped me to understand that God really had chosen me, had loved me, and had ordained me for furthering His Kingdom. It was a physical reminder that I had indeed been washed in the Blood of the Savior and reborn into New Life. My baptism reminded me that as a disciple I am to bring all that I love (which is each neighbor I come into contact with) into relationship with Jesus.
As I got older, I joined the youth group where the teenagers in the church were given another chance to discuss and live out God’s Word. At one meeting, Pastor Nancy Phelan asked us if we would be interested in taking a trip to Colorado for the American Baptist Youth Conference, Encounter, and three of us jumped at the opportunity. My family never had much money, so I had never done any extensive traveling, aside from a few trips to Florida. I immediately lost hope. Luckily, the pastor had a plan for how we would be able to raise the money ourselves and as a congregation so we could experience God’s Love in a new environment: among the greatest gathering of American Baptist Youth in the nation. We spent a couple years raising money with different fundraisers and the church came through for us; we were able to attend cost free. I was extremely excited about traveling clear across the country into the unknown.
When we finally arrived in Estes Park, it was as if I had stepped into a New Creation. The hustle and bustle of the city was nowhere to be found, replaced with only beautiful mountains and rolling hills. I had never felt so connected with nature and God before. Knowing that we were all brothers and sisters in Jesus the Messiah, my goal for the conference was to meet everyone I possibly could in a week’s time. While I did not reach my goal of meeting everyone, I was able to meet 678 brothers and sisters, which truly made my heart sing; it didn’t matter where we had come from, or where we were going when we left. We were all brothers and sisters living out the same Gospel together in that moment.
Towards the end of the gathering, one of the speakers asked us to “encounter” God’s Presence and listen to what He was saying. He asked all of us who felt a call to His Ordained Ministry to come forward and have hands laid upon us. The members in our youth group turned to me, questioning with their eyes. Suddenly, it made sense to me why I was out in Colorado. I wasn’t there to meet my brothers and sisters, or to experience a new setting of God’s creation, but rather to hear His Call for me to become a fisher of people, who can build up believers for Him. I turned to Pastor Nancy, told her that I was ready, and she came up front with me to express to others my Call to His Ministry. To feel Jesus knocking on my heart to shepherd others in knowing Him personally was not something I was expecting at the time, but would change the course of my life forever.
Being in the spot light stopped being of great importance to me because life wasn’t all about my experience anymore, but rather to show others Jesus' Love for all of us in everything I would do. Yes, I had known Jesus before, but I, like most teenagers had been focused on myself. Now I could see that I was being Called to use my Gifts to help lead others: my Gifts of Empathy, Compassion, and Hospitality. I have a Gift for understanding why people feel the way they feel and how to help them see different ways of viewing the world in which they live. More often than not, my Compassion for others is the driving force for my actions, taking to heart the Commandment of Jesus to Love our neighbors as ourselves. This Love of my neighbors forces me to be hospitable to others with hopes that they too will see the Lord working through me, and in turn, accept Him into their lives.
I began a coffee house in our church, modeled after the one we had attended at the Encounter conference. Local teenagers were able to spend one night a month in a safe environment where they could express themselves with whatever gifts they had been given. The youth group supplied the location & food and local teenagers supplied their talents of music, poetry, and comedy. All were welcomed and encouraged to share, Christian or not. At the end of the first coffee house, which we named “He-brews’,” I gave the option for a Bible Study following the close. I couldn’t believe the number of people who actually stayed to hear God’s Word, and knew that He would use me to bring many to know Him.
During college, I came to terms with my homosexuality in the church, which I had found difficult during junior high and high school, knowing that so many people believed love between men to be wrong. When I was honest with my church family, they showed the Love and Acceptance that they preached on a weekly basis to me with open arms. They knew me as their Christian brother and that Jesus was with me, and therefore saw me no differently. This Love and Acceptance is the cornerstone of all Christian Worship and to embody it is what we are called to do. I want to be a living example of God’s Love for others, helping them to find answers to their questions about feeling comfortably with who they are as a Child of God.
While I have endured bigotry from other humans throughout my life due to my homosexuality, including from the American Baptist Churches of Rhode Island in that they would not allow me to seek ordination there because I am openly queer, I have never felt anything except Love and Acceptance from the Lord. This is unlike many of my queer brothers and sisters in that I never felt the need to leave God’s church because of my homosexuality. I was able to rest in the Love I received from Jesus. Yet, because of my experiences on the fringe of society as a gay man, I am better able to relate with those who have felt abandoned, mistreated, and forgotten, especially by the church itself. I know how it is to be cast aside by other people, but I also know that through it all I am in the everlasting Presence of Jesus. The Lord has Loved me unconditionally, something I wish to show to others who join me at Water2Wine Tavern.
Throughout my college experience, my Relationship with Jesus grew exponentially. There was one night when I was at a party and one of my friends approached me, the smell of booze rolling off her tongue. She asked me, “So where’s Jesus now?” I turned my head, smiled and told her, “He’s always right here, by my side. If you open your heart to Him, He’ll always walk with you too.” My shirts say things like, “Jesus died for my-space in heaven” or “Jesus is my homeboy” because I want to explicitly show my faith to others, so that perhaps someone will ask me about it. I can help others to wear their Faith for Jesus more outwardly, both literally and metaphorically, so the world will know we are His.
That is the basis for my ministry; I want to show others that there are no differences in Sunday Worship from any other moment during the week because Jesus is always with us. I sought ordination to pastoral ministry because working with & leading people is what I feel God Calling me to. I know God Will use me to help bring others into a more full Relationship with Jesus in order to further God’s Kingdom on Earth. I can help others to know Jesus as personally as I have come to know Him through Prayer and the Study of His Word. God has Equipped me with the skills to lead His flock as I follow in His Ways, which I plan to do all the days of my life. He never leaves my side and I wish to show as many as possible how they too can experience God in this personal way.
I lead a life of personal Bible Study, Prayer, and Evangelism because only through the lived experience am I able to foster the Disciplines within the community. My role as shepherd to God’s people is simple; to practice leadership rather than power over His flock. I am to ensure the Spirit can work freely in an environment promoting the Praise and Worship of the Lord. I am to safeguard the spiritual growth of the church’s members and seekers alike. Most fundamental to my role as pastor is to provide the leadership for the church fulfilling Jesus’ Great Commission through Love. Leading by example rather than laying down a set of rules for others aside from oneself to follow is the way in which God has Called me into His Service.
What have I been called to? In short, church planting. The Lord has given a vision to me of how church could be reinterpreted; changed for a different generation. An entire generation, my own, was given the choice to go to church or not and most chose not to. This does not mean they are not seeking out the answers to the same spiritual questions we ask; however, this does mean the church needs new settings through which to offer the Gospel story. Most in my generation will not see a traditional church with a steeple to be a very meaningful place where they are able to find God so we have to facilitate a meeting with the Lord in a setting my generation does equate as meaningful.
I believe God wants to bring church to people through whatever means necessary; for some that is a traditional church building, and for others, it may be a building functioning both as a tavern and an environment for spiritual growth. I believe God has called me to be a missionary in a world that does not understand Jesus and His Love; a missionary in this postmodern world of New England in which everything is questioned. God does not need pews to help others know His Story; God needs others to share their personal Relationship with Him with others who currently live in darkness. God has called me to lead a new way of being church; not to replace the current way of being a church, but rather to expand the notion of church to meet the needs of a different generation.
~PK
Comments